Conspiracy Theory Cheat Sheet



Is conspiracy analysis really so simple you can solve a conspiracy theory by merely glancing at a cheat sheet?

Generally speaking, no. However, there are some simple tricks that can help you weed out bogus conspiracy theories. They can also help you identify credible conspiracy theories that have been tainted by the introduction of elements of bogus theory. (No, President John F. Kennedy wasn’t a clone, and he wasn’t assassinated by the lizard people.)

Bogus Conspiracy Theory ˆ

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A huge portion of the conspiracy theories we hear about are too preposterous to believe. Believe it or not, many of them aren’t even real conspiracy theories. Let’s take a closer look . . .

Paranormal ˆ

Paranormal

I love stories about unicorns, ghosts, secret societies, and the occult. I love fairy tales. Unfortunately, I have a degree in science, which kind of kills the fun.

OK, secret societies really exist. However, the others exist only in people’s minds.

Occult

Philosophically, we could ask how one defines “ghost.” Practically speaking, however, most conspiracy theories that involve communicating with ancient civilizations, being hypnotized by an all-seeing eye, or being flayed by a mathematician from another dimension are a little too hard to swallow.

What about those giant reptilian people so many gullible people believe in? They can probably be classified under either Paranormal or UFOs. In a nutshell, it’s usually best to politely ignore conspiracy theories involving reptilian humanoids.

UFOs ˆ

UFOs

UFOs can be confusing. The acronym simply stands for “unidentified flying object.” If your neighbor throws a fluorescent frisbee that glows in the moonlight and you mistake it for a flying saucer, it could be branded a UFO.

And that’s exactly what many, if not most, UFOs are—cases of mistaken identify. Others are optical illusions.

Of course, we can’t ignore technology. We humans, particularly those in the military sector, are constantly creating new toys to play with. Rockets, missiles, weather balloons, and drones have probably inspired many thousands of UFO sightings.

But what about, you know, “flying saucers”?

I think it’s very likely that intelligent life exists on planets scattered across the universe. If such life does exist, there are probably distant races that are more intelligent and technologically advanced than we are. However, there are four important questions to ask:

  1. Can they travel at the speed of light?
  2. If they can, why would they want to visit Earth?
  3. Is there any actual evidence that space aliens have visited Earth?
  4. If we had proof that space aliens have indeed visited Earth, how would that qualify as a conspiracy?

Even if one could travel at the speed of light, it would take a helluva long time to transit the vast stretches of deep space between solar systems and galaxies. What kind of space alien would want to spend 10,000 years cooped up in a spacecraft chugging through space towards Earth?

If there are alien races that have learned to travel at the speed of light, why would they want to visit Earth in the first place? With trillions of planets to choose from, what makes Earth so special? They probably wouldn’t even know Earth is home to intelligent life. After all, we humans didn’t invent electricity until the 20th century. We’ve been turning on lights and beaming radio waves into space for a very short period of time, and it’s hard to imagine an alien species even noticing us.

Verdict: I do not believe that space aliens have ever visited Earth. As far as I’m concerned, virtually all UFO reports are cases of mistaken identity, optical illusions, or stories the people simply make up.

Cryptids ˆ

Cryptids

The yeti (aka “abominable snowman”), Sasquatch (aka Bigfoot), and Loch Ness monster are examples of crytpids—usually sensational animals claimed by some to exist, though there’s no proof of their existence.

I would love to think that Earth is still carpeted with vast wilderness areas where such creatures may still survive. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

Our ancestors evolved in Africa and Eurasia, which makes the yeti at least remotely believable. Unfortunately, there’s no evidence of any primates more advanced than monkeys other than our own species migrating into the New World.

In the meantime, if someone managed to capture a living Loch Ness monster one day, how would that be a conspiracy?

Silly Beliefs ˆ

Silly Beliefs

Do you believe Earth is flat? Do you believe in UFOs and the cryptids discussed above? Do you believe some ancient Egyptian god is controlling your life?

If you believe any of the above, don’t feel bad. Americans, in particular, are so brainwashed they’ll believe just about anything. Hell, they vote for some of the biggest semi-humans on the planet, creatures like Joe Biden, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton.

Are all the children who believe in Santa Claus conspiracy theorists? I wish they were, but, sadly, many aren’t. Ignorance and stupidity can be evidence of conspiracy. They can even be the result of conspiracy. However, believing stupid things is not the same thing as a conspiracy.

Catch-22 ˆ

Catch-22

Believing in UFOs, supernatural deities, or a flat Earth may not be conspiratorial, but such beliefs could be associated with conspiracy in one way or another.

Many people who claim to have crazy beliefs are propagandists who are simply pretending to be kooky conspiracy theorists in order to ridicule more respectable conspiracy theorists. That’s a clear example of a conspiracy.

Many of the people who believe weird things wouldn’t even be aware of those weird things if they hadn’t read about them in the National Enquirer or the New York Times. In fact, the media promote such idiocy in order to ridicule conspiracy theorists, another example of conspiracy.

Jews are history’s biggest drug lords, and drugs can wreck people’s minds, making them more susceptible to kooky beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that Jews peddle drugs not just to make money but to wreck people’s minds, ruining their thinking skills. That, too, qualifies as a conspiracy.

Credible Conspiracy Theory ˆ

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Conspiracies are like snowflakes: they are virtually infinite, and no two are exactly alike. Creating a formula that identifies credible conspiracy theories would be about as easy as classifying snowflakes. However, a little common sense can put us in the ballpark.

Government, Elections, Public Education, Media, Internet, Legal System, Unions, Corporate Sector, Jews ˆ

Duh!

While the Jew-controlled corporate media give way too much attention to the most outlandish bogus conspiracy theories, there are countless conspiracy theories associated with government, elections, public education, the media, the Internet, the legal system, the corporate sector, unions, and, believe it or not, Jews.

In fact, all of the above are insanely conspiratorial. You might find honest governments in some countries, but the government of any country allied with the U.S. is probably corrupt and therefore conspiratorial. The governments of many countries not allied with the U.S. have been infiltrated by the U.S. (or Jews) and corrupted.

I’ve run for public office ten times, running for both local and state office in Washington State, which most people think is a relatively wholesome state. I live in Seattle, which is probably the most famously liberal city after San Francisco. Seattle is also the birth place of the most famous philanthropist on the planet, Bill Gates. Surely, there can be no corruption and conspiracy here.

In fact, Seattle is one of the biggest sewers on the planet. The government is totally corrupt, the elections are rigged beyond belief, and the media are paid liars. The public schools are being deliberately degraded (thanks largely to a Jewish billionaire named Eli Broad). I could go on and on.

To cut to the chase, any time you hear a conspiracy related to any of the above, don’t be too quick to dismiss it. If you think there’s something sacred about your union, you’re a fool; most unions do a better job of stabbing their members in the back than their employers do. If you think a conspiracy theory is a little over the top (“my government couldn’t be that evil!”), guess again.

Jews are the masters of conspiracy. (See Jewarchy)

Politically Incorrect Beliefs ˆ

Politically Incorrect

Do you believe an international cabal of Jews started both world wars and fabricated stories about the Holocaust? Do you believe Abraham Lincoln was a racist who started the Civil War because he wanted to preserve federal power, not because he cared about the slaves? Do you think Lincoln was a gay Jew to boot?

The Jews call such conspiracy beliefs “antisemitic conspiracy theories” or “canards.” The irony is that most Jews aren’t Semites, though I’ve met a few who might pass for canards.

Other propagandists’ terms to watch out for include “historical revisionism” and “denial,” particularly “Holocaust denial.” The first term is ridiculous; how can history not be revised? Is it carved in stone, with no one allowed to question it? Holocaust denial is an incredibly childish term that means just one thing—you don’t agree with every last detail of the mainstream narrative, which was written by the Jews.

Anyway, if you harbor such beliefs, hold your head up high because you’re a lot smarter than the average American. There may be millions of people in Eastern Europe who hate Jews and revere Adolf Hitler, and they know a lot more about World War II than anyone living in the U.S. They also know more about the Soviet Jews than Western Europeans do.

And Lincoln was indeed a racist. There’s also evidence that he was gay and/or a Jew. I’m not suggesting that homosexuality is a crime. For whatever it’s worth, Barbra Streisand (a Jew) is convinced that Lincoln was a Jew.

I’m not saying that conspiracy theories that are politically incorrect automatically qualify as credible theories. However, some of the most popular and relevant conspiracy theories are demonized because they don’t agree with the sacred mainstream narrative and/or they somehow involve God’s chosen people, the Jews.

Rule of Thumb: The more vigorously the bad guys demonize conspiracy theories, the more believable they are. The exceptions are obviously bogus theories that are demonized as a tool for discrediting conspiracy theory in general.

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